Self-Care for the Skeptic

I am not an influencer. Sure, I help write this blog and take photos for the Instagram page and enjoy sharing tidbits of wisdom as I discover them. But most of my time is spent at work. And when I’m not there, you can find me at my apartment with my fiance and my our cat. I don’t have the time, nor the energy, for photogenic “self-care.” In fact, for a long time, the whole idea of self-care bothered me.

When I was younger, a bath was used for one of two people: A child who hasn’t quite mastered the art of standing on a slippery tub floor for a shower, or a person who’s joints have swollen to the size of grapefruits. To me, the idea of a bath being “self-care” (beyond making me comfortable enough to try to get some sleep when my knees and/or back were having particularly bad days) was just strange.

Scrolling through my friends’ Instagrams, I’d see girls filming their fizzing bath bombs or taking photos making funny faces while they wore face masks. Photos of freshly painted nails. Videos of flames flickering over candles with captions like “wish you could smell this!” All with the #selfcare. 

One of my favorite things to do to get away from life is hiking. I don’t get to do it very often in Florida, but when my family went on a vacation to Seattle, we took several days to hike around Mount Rainier and Snoqualmie Falls.

When the self-care craze took hold in 2016, I was skeptical. Perhaps even a touch jaded. I was confused at how using a charcoal mask or lighting a fancy candle meant I was “caring for myself.” And if it was self-care, how on earth was I supposed to afford an expensive bath bomb or even the occasional pedicure. To be honest, my little college freshman brain was asking the tough question: “What even is self-care?”

Who needs a fancy excuse to take a bath with a pretty bath-bomb and put on a face mask every once in a while? (Girl, just take a bath, no one’s going to judge you.) More so, why do we feel the need to share it with the world? (Although I will admit, I do like watching bath bombs dissolve, so please keep posting videos of that.)

To me, self-care was another influencer fad to go along with super-duper fancy make up (seriously, who has the time for that?). I went through a few different blog posts and articles and Pinterest boards trying to decipher what self-care was. The definitions left me more confused and skeptical than ever. To be honest, people like to write more about the “how” of self-care than the “what.”

So, what is self-care?  

The year after the craze had officially taken hold, I started attending counseling for my anxiety. I should have started long before then, but sometimes it takes a little extra push from those you love to help you realize how badly you need something. During these sessions, we would talk about a lot, but one thing I kept coming back to was how exhausted I was and how I wanted to spend time with family and friends but I didn’t have the energy, physical or emotional, to do so.

One session that Fall, my therapist asked what my schedule looked like. I told her the usual stuff as I looked at my phone; work on these days, class on these, internship on these, and church peppered in somewhere in between. But then I realized my Friday was (mercifully) empty. She asked what I planned to do. I fumbled and said “probably homework” because that was usually what I did when I had a few extra minutes. She asked how productive I was during my homework time. 

One thing I’ve learned about self-care is that it doesn’t necessarily have to be on your own. Being an introvert, people usually suck the energy right out of me, but there are some people who don’t do that to me. Sometimes, grabbing an iced coffee with Rachel is just what I need to show myself a little bit of love.

My therapist had started smirking slightly before I’d even gotten my reply out. I must have noticeably winced. I told her it wasn’t as productive as it should have been. I would get distracted with YouTube or Instagram or Pinterest and end up feeling miserable by the end of it.

“I know that you have homework and papers coming up. And I know that you’re stressed about them,” she had started, “but I want you to schedule time to focus on you. At least take 2 hours. Take the whole day, if you can. Do what will make you feel happy.”

I did as she asked. I scheduled four hours when my roommates were at their classes or jobs and I played Assassins Creed (don’t judge; if you haven’t been able to already tell, I’m a nerd) without worries of my paper due the next Monday or the work events I needed to put together. Afterward, I made myself a wholesome lunch (I hadn’t made a proper meal for myself in weeks), sat and enjoyed it, and then that afternoon I finished my paper with few distractions or deviations.

Personally, I’m more of a cat person, but whenever I get the chance to cuddle with my Mom’s dachshund-labrador mix, Sadie, I take full advantage. Sometimes something even as simple as just laying on the couch and disconnecting is just what I need.

The next week, my therapist had asked how my Friday had gone. To be honest, I hadn’t even realized until then how great my Friday and the subsequent weekend were. She had smirked again knowingly. “That’s where people get caught up on self-care, Chelsea.”

She went on to explain that people try to do self-care spontaneously (and for the ‘gram), but they haven’t put away the things that are causing them to seek that care. In the end, it leaves them empty and in an unhealthy cycle. She said that me being intentional with those four hours and saying “I am going to enjoy myself for these four hours” had a much more positive impact on my emotional health and energy.

Now, with a full-time job, self-care time has become a bit hard to come by. But nevertheless, I try to find a few hours each week where I can play Assassin’s Creed, go to a random coffee shop and read a book, take a bath and listen to music in the dark, or some other thing that will help me intentionally enjoy myself.

I love baking, and it’s one way that I can step away from the worries of work and life. Peep my homemade Pecan Pie that I made for Thanksgiving this year (mind you, this photo is before the pie was baked).

Mind you, I am no therapist, but I do want to encourage you to do as my therapist asked me to do. Find some time and be intentional with it. Do something that will make you happy and leave you feeling fulfilled afterwards. And even though there are thousands of posts to give you inspiration, I’ve made a short list to help you think of some things you can do…

1. Clean something in your home (this may feel like a chore, but I always feel better afterwards).
2. Turn the lights off, turn the music on, and stretch (my inner dancer is coming out, can you tell?).
3. Bake cookies.
4. Turn airplane mode on and read (or write, or play video games; but disconnecting from notifications is super important).
5. Watch an uplifting show (for me, it’s Queer Eye; but please don’t binge! Binging will totally leave you unfulfilled).

Of course, reading is always something to help me disconnect from life. I just have to make sure to leave my phone on “Do Not Disturb.”

In all honesty, I don’t even call my self-care time self-care. It’s me time. I’m still something of a skeptic. But I am 100% a believer that when you take time to love yourself, you’ll have more energy and love to share with those around you. And that can make all the difference in the world.

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Share with us some things that you do to disconnect from the world and show yourself a little bit of love!